We’ve all interacted with that person who says whatever they’re thinking (without giving it a second thought.) This is the person who blurts out whatever is on their mind. Some of it’s good. Some of it’s funny. But some of it can be hurtful and harmful.

During my lifetime, I have encountered many of these people. Maybe my kind face is all the acceptance they need to feel okay saying whatever they think. As a kid, teenager, and adult, I faced countless experiences where people just said what was on their minds without ever considering myself or someone else’s feelings, and words can hurt.

I wondered why some people find it difficult to keep their mouths shut when they express opinions, jabs, or criticism. Do you think it makes people feel better about themselves to say whatever comes to mind without regard for how it makes another feel?

I’ve been just the opposite. I try always to think before I speak. I learned manners (through harsh measures at times) and never want to offend or hurt anyone’s feelings because I know what it feels like to be hurt by another person’s thoughtless words.

Some folks aren’t even aware that they’re blurting out whatever they’re thinking, and they don’t hurt someone intentionally. They would be open to letting them know that what was said was not okay and hurt someone’s feelings.

Sitcoms have played out the “say whatever they think” character because it works. Apparently, people like to laugh at someone else’s pain. In the sitcom “Will and Grace,” there is a character named Karen, a wealthy, bored housewife with a snappy personality, who becomes the assistant of Grace, a female interior designer. Karen constantly says whatever she’s thinking and has no qualms telling Grace that she’s not attractive or that her clothes are pitiful. The same is true of the other characters on the show. Two gay, sarcastic guys bicker with one another with thoughts that the mass of us would not say to one another, like when Jack tells Will he’s getting fat. That’s hurtful, but it was a hit show on NBC. I watched some episodes and found it to be funny, but looking back at the jibs and jabs that made it funny, I’m not sure it would fly in real life.

I’ll bet a lot of us would love to say whatever we’re thinking at times. I know I would. I’d love to have the guts to tell it like it is more than I do now, not in a hurtful way, but in a way where I’m honest about my feelings.

We can get across our concern for someone by thinking before we speak and framing it more kindly. Like for example, if you notice someone you’re close to put on some weight. Instead of poking fun at them and saying, “Boy, you got fat!” Try the approach to show concern with words like, “How are you doing? Is everything alright?” Someone could be overweight because of a medical condition, being on pharmaceutical drugs that cause weight gain, feeling bad about themselves, or being under a lot of stress. Saying whatever we’re thinking can really hurt someone’s feelings. We can’t assume someone is overweight because they’re lazy or like to eat too much.

Let’s be humans. We all have feelings and deserve to be spoken to with kindness and respect. It’s a wish for a utopian society sometime in the distant future, we can make some changes now.

First, let those who offend us know that what they say is not okay. We may get an “Oh, I’m so sorry. I came out the wrong way,” and the conversation shifts from being tense to being fine. We may also get those who defend themselves and make it out to be our fault by opening our mouths. I’m sure you’ve encountered this situation when you nicely call someone out on their hurtful behavior or words, and you get a headache from their debate about how you’re too sensitive and that it was just a joke.

My question to that is, “How would you feel if it was done to you?”

If we could answer that question with honesty, I’m sure we would speak kinder words.

I’m not proposing we keep our mouths shut and not say anything we think. My husband keeps telling me there’s a balance to everything in life, especially in how we communicate with one another. If there’s a need to be assertive and speak your mind because something unjust was said or done to you, then by all means, say what’s on your mind.

We don’t need to blurt out every single thought we’re thinking. No one wants to hear that. Keep some things private for your head only. It will do everyone a big favor.

Thank you for reading this. Please let me know in the comments if you find it bothersome when someone tells it like it is.

To choosing our words,

Francesca

Written by a human for humans.

© 2025 Francesca M.E.

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