How many of us have experienced “ghosting” via text or other means? I have, and I’m not too fond of it. I think it’s a childlike, cowardly way of dealing with human interactions. As adults, we’re supposed to talk about our feelings and issues, but some either don’t care or can’t express what they want, so they ignore the problem. Even with unsolicited sales texts or other bothersome texts, you have the option to type “stop.” If we “ghost” those, they keep on coming.

I don’t understand the brain that “ghosts” because I would never do that—unless it’s a (possibly creepy) person I don’t know who is reaching out via social media. It’s okay to “ghost” in that circumstance because you don’t know who you’re dealing with. Generally speaking, though, I don’t “ghost” friends, family, business issues, and interactions like that. And right now, I’m pretty pissed off at the people who “ghost” me because I don’t deserve it, and I’ve finally learned that I deserve respect. Thank you, Jesus!

Hey, we all deserve respect. If you’re getting “ghosted” and you don’t like it, you have every right to feel that way. It’s like if you were speaking to someone in person, and they just walked away after you said something (or asked a question), and they never came back. That seems awful, right? Of course, in that example, the people are having an adult conversation that’s not hurting anyone. We’d think that’s pretty weird. But doing it via text or phone, we accept that.

Stop accepting it!

Stop allowing this disrespect to continue. We all have the ability to answer a text. And the excuse, “I saw it, but I couldn’t respond, and then I got busy, and I forgot it was even there.” Do you know what that tells the other person? They are not important enough to be on your mind.

I get that we are bombarded by so many stimuli nowadays with our phones and other technology that it’s super easy to forget things. It happens to me, so I write things down or put them in the Notes app on my phone. Most of the time, I remember the important things, like family and friend relationships.

If you’re getting “ghosted” by someone (and you’re not texting or sending messages to people you don’t know, or are elderly or have a disability), take it as a sign of disrespect because that’s what it is. What else can we call it? Acceptable? Are you kidding me? If you did something to anger someone else (that you are unaware of), it’s their responsibility to communicate that. We’re not mind readers.

Call a spade a spade. If your friend or family member “ghosts” you via text, and you did nothing to deserve that  (that you know about because there’s no communication), you’re being disrespected and don’t deserve it. Even if you did something wrong, you deserve to know either way.

When we are aware of what we did, we can do something about it. What we don’t know does not make for a healthy relationship. I stress the word “aware” because some folks don’t care and go about their lives with not a second thought about getting no reply. For the others, it can sting. And it stings with me.

I don’t care about the timeline as long as it’s within 24 hours. No matter who you are or what you do, there is always a way to find a few seconds to return a text message within 24 hours. No one is above common decency and manners – no one. Not the billionaire or the person who lives in a van down by the river.

Manners are free and display a sense of decency toward our fellow humans. It’s funny: The jerks who disrespect others are the ones who want the VIP treatment – and sadly, are treated like VIPs by people who allow themselves to be disrespected because they care more about how they are perceived than who they really are – and how they truly feel. (I hope that makes sense. It does in my head.)

Getting “ghosted” is a sore subject for me because I have dealt with being disrespected my entire life by my family, friends, teachers, co-workers, and on and on. I used to question why, and now (after years of therapy and working on myself), I know it’s because I am a decent person who wouldn’t hurt someone’s feelings. I don’t hurt anyone, will always be there to help out, realize someone needs help, and have respect and love for others, even those who have none for themselves. Realizing this now is freeing, but it causes me loneliness, knowing there are so few people I can trust and believe in to take care of my precious heart. Wow! It took a lot for me to write those words. But it’s the truth.

If we receive a text message, respond, even if it’s one word – that’s better than no words. And like I’ve learned these last few weeks recuperating from shoulder surgery, we can voice text if we don’t feel like typing it out. Our phones even have AI to do it for us. For iPhones, give Siri a shout, and she’ll do it for you. There really are no excuses left – except if you don’t care. If that’s the case, don’t expect a good result in your favor when you do decide it’s the right time to communicate because it suits your timetable or needs.

And for all of us people-pleasers out there, let’s develop that self-respect muscle and not feel so appreciative when we finally get a text message back. We deserve a response within 24 hours. After that, it’s “ghosting,” and it’s disrespectful. If the person apologizes the first time it happens, that’s understandable. We’re all busy human beings. But if it keeps happening. Run. Don’t walk. Find a new tribe that will respond to your text messages. The world has plenty of good souls.

Thank you for reading this and I hope I offered some good thoughts that enrich our lives. I want to see us all happy. Leave a comment on your thoughts about ghosting. I’d love to read them.

To stopping ghosting,

Francesca