I haven’t seen the television show Different Strokes in many years, but the re-runs are on now, so I watched it to see if it was still funny, like I remembered. It is. That little Arnold character’s saying, “What you talkin’ ’bout Willis?” is hysterical.  It gave me the idea for this blog.

When Arnold asks Willis (or anyone), “What you talkin’ ’bout?” he’s asking to clarify what the person said because it doesn’t resonate quite right with him. Then the other person explains what they meant, and all is good on the show.

Even though it’s a cute comedy bit, it still shows that when we’re unsure of what someone means, all we need to do is ask them, “What you talkin’ ’bout?” I mean, you can use whatever words you want. You don’t have to talk like Arnold (haha.)

But imagine you’re speaking with someone, and they say something that offends or hurts you.  I tended to escalate the conversation into an argument, or I’d walk away upset and carry that with me until I settled down and was ready to talk calmly or I’d stop interacting with that person. When Arnold asks, “What you talkin’ ’bout?” right when the communication misunderstanding happens, he’s getting it out in the open right then. There’s no harboring senseless upset or anger.

The writers of  Different Strokes were genius at coming up with that phrase because it’s comedy but shows the need to ask questions to clarify meanings and words.

How many of us ask the person who says something off to us what they meant by that? I didn’t do that until recently because I was afraid of confrontation. There were countless times someone said something to me that hurt or upset me, and I didn’t ask what they meant. For all I know, they were trying to be humorous and didn’t mean to hurt my feelings. Without questioning that interaction, I have no idea what they truly meant.

So, in any interaction with people, the most essential thing to have is communication clarity so we know what one another is thinking. We’re not mind readers, although maybe some people can do that, but I think they are a rarity. I know I can sometimes have a dry sense of humor and speak with a straight face. To someone who doesn’t know me, they might think I’m a mean person or weird when I was just being funny. But if someone asked me, “What you talkin’ ’bout, Cheska?” I’d explain I was joking, and all would likely be fine.

When we’re afraid to ask someone to explain or clarify what they meant, we are allowing our minds to go into a “thinking shock” (comparing it to a sugar shock situation) when our thoughts can imagine, create, and invent all sorts of reasons why they said what they said. If we just ask what they meant, we can save ourselves so much grief and wasted time.

I had interactions with a co-worker who got on my last nerve. She commented on my outfits negatively and poked fun at my good work ethic. I never once asked her what she meant or why she spoke to me like that. I was a nice person who minded my business, did my job, and tried to look good. Nothing was wrong with that, but she had a problem with me.  If I asked, “What you talkin’ ’bout?” in a funny way, she might have laughed and said I was busting you or explained why she said it. She may have even felt bad and apologized, not even realizing what she said. I don’t know. I never gave her a chance. I quit the job, and I liked doing it.  My head was full of contempt and anger towards that woman. So, who won? Her for seeing me leave or me for getting out of a toxic environment. I’ll never know because I never opened my mouth to ask, “What you talkin’ ’bout?”

If you’re not a fan of confrontation like I was, try using the “What you talkin’ ’bout?” in the cute Arnold Jackson voice from Different Strokes. Start small with people you feel safe around and ask why they said what they did if you are unsure of their intent or if the words hurt you. All it takes is opening your mouth, asking a question, and talking about it. Talking can solve so many problems that we cook up in our minds. Turn off the burners in our heads and let the other person tell us what they meant.

Thank you for reading this, and I hope I offered something to think about that’ll help you in your life. It’s an easy thing, but I know it’s hard for some, like it was for me, to ask someone what they meant. Life is better when we come out of our heads and communicate our thoughts with others. Take care of yourself.

To asking, “What You Talkin’ ‘Bout?” every time you’re unsure,

Francesca

P.S. True story. I was working on this post when my guy walked by my office, looked at me, and said in the Arnold voice, “What You Talkin’ ‘Bout?” to be cute. The hair stood up on my neck! We had not seen that show in over a week so it wasn’t like it was fresh on his mind.