I was talking to the woman who cuts my hair about Thanksgiving, where we’re going, and who’s doing what. Listening to her talk about her family get-together made me remember the Thanksgiving my mother threw the turkey out the back door. True story. She was overwhelmed and let the stress get the better of her, and she threw our cooked turkey into the backyard. After that, we went out to eat on Thanksgiving.

Driving away from the appointment, I thought about Thanksgiving and how it’s always been so stressful! For the last few years, I’ve been cooking here with my husband, daughter, and her guy. It has been less stressful, but I was still filled with anxiety to make things just so.

Television really did a number on me seeing the happy families eating Thanksgiving dinner on a beautifully decorated table with good china and little place cards. It puts ideas into our heads of how Thanksgiving (or any holiday gathering) should be. What it does is create a standard no one can live up to, not even Martha Stewart. She may have had the perfect tablescape and food, but something in her life suffered. There’s no perfection. The Greek philosopher Plato told us that a long time ago.

So, how do we survive Thanksgiving this year? I don’t mean to be negative using the word “survive,” but I think that’s what we do. It doesn’t matter if we’re cheery and happy to make the food, entertain, or engage in pleasant conversation. There’s an expectation that Thanksgiving should feed our souls as well as our bellies. We can deny it, but it’s inside each of us. We work hard at making the perfect food so that everyone is happy and satisfied and plan conversation topics ahead of time to divert problems because we want a fulfilling holiday. But you get that many personalities in one room, and there is bound to be drama.

Even if there are pleasant conversations and good food, resentment can rear its head about someone in the family. There have been times that I wished I didn’t have to go to a family gathering to wear a fake smile and “get through it.” Then I’d leave exhausted, wondering how I could choose better for me.

Well, here are my Thanksgiving Survival Tactics, and I’m going to use them this year, too.

1. Stop expecting perfection. This only sets us up to be anxious and not able to enjoy the moment.
2. Consider viewing your relatives or friends as children who are just acting out of fear and insecurity. When you do this, they’re less threatening and/or annoying.
3. Think love. I know this sounds hippie-dippy, but trust me, I’ve done this before, and it works. It shifts our mindsets from judging and critical to loving and accepting.
4. Take a breath and hold it for a few seconds. And exhale. Do this a few times. Let your shoulders relax. Let yourself relax. There is nothing more important than allowing your body to be in a state of calm.
5. Focus on the moment in front of you – not five minutes or an hour from now. Focus on right now. In the present, you can control so much more than you think. You can control the tone of your voice, your mannerisms, the way you carry yourself, and how you feel. No one can make you feel a certain way. We do that to ourselves. In the present moment, we can choose to feel joy, acceptance, and gratitude.

Of course, Thanksgiving is a holiday to focus on gratitude, and I know a lot of us are genuinely appreciative of everything we have: good health, family, friends, a nice home, etc. I think that Thanksgiving comes before Christmas on purpose to allow us to be grateful for what we have instead of being selfish about all the things we want for the December holidays.

Try thinking of three things that you’re thankful for.

It’ll instantly make you feel like life isn’t that bad.

 

I started a Thanksgiving tradition in our home that we each share what we’re thankful for before we eat. Try it this year if you don’t already do it. You’ll be surprised what others are grateful for. Plus, it creates a very calming atmosphere.

I hope these ideas help you have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. Let me know in the comments what you do to have a great holiday. Thank you very much for reading this, and Happy Thanksgiving!

To a great Thanksgiving,

Francesca