I’ve heard this question before to ask yourself, “What is your why?” The answer, I assume, tells us who we are, what is our passion, and what makes us happy?  To be honest, I couldn’t answer this question.

Seriously. I wrote that question down many times, hoping I’d write simple answers that would guide me – and help me plan my life. But nothing came. I procrastinated and avoided answering it.

Why?

Well, I asked that question, too – to figure out my why. I know, that was a confusing sentence but you know what I mean.

I wrote. I kept writing until I got to a nugget of truth I had avoided knowing.  I couldn’t answer the question because I was separated from my soul, the part of us that expresses our genuine feelings, beliefs, and hopes.

Then, I had to figure that out. Why was I separated from my soul? I went back to my childhood and realized when and why that happened. My family doesn’t realize or wants to realize that what happened to me as a child was devastating. I was continuously tormented, abused, and made to feel like I was worth nothing – even into adulthood.

I know now that my family, friends, and peers were merely working on the program they knew and what protected them or made their pain feel better. I had forgiven them for their actions, but I kept going back for more – well into adulthood. Pain built upon existing pain, and I had to walk away.

But before I did, I made one last ditch effort to have some semblance of a “healthy” family by sending out lengthy letters to all of my siblings and parents. These letters touched upon how we were all negatively affected by our family life, and I shared terrible and shameful things that happened to me so that they knew that not only was I abused by them, but I got it outside of the house as well.

I meant to impress upon them, as adults, that I’ve gone through tough stuff and came out the other side okay by doing a lot of mental health work. I left the ball in their courts to get mental therapy help, and that was the only way we’d be able to have healthy relationships. I never heard from them again, except my younger brother and parents, who swept everything under the carpet.

This blog is not about sharing all the pain I’ve experienced but about sharing what I’ve learned and how I got help and helped myself to be okay despite everything I’ve been through.

My why is to be me. To be proud to be me. And to share the good that I have produced and continue to produce.

To figure out your why, take a little time to be quiet. Put away all distractions. Ask yourself, what is your why? The answer is going to help you follow your bliss and be happy.

Once you figure out your why, you don’t have to make drastic changes. If your why is to overcome fear and be an airline pilot and have never flown a plane before. Take that dream and write out the steps you’d need to take to make that happen. Sign up for lessons, look at job availability, etc.

Don’t be afraid to learn your why. It was hard for me to write it out because of the skewed beliefs I had, and I shunned my soul, my true self. If we have that separation going on inside us, it’s tough to know what your why is.

Most of us have had painful experiences that stick to us, things that define us in a way that we sometimes live through the lens of pain instead of living as our authentic selves. That is because the damage done creates scars, and just like when our skin develops a scar, depending on the depth, it could continue to hurt for years. It’s when we acknowledge the bad stuff that we can work on filling ourselves up with the good stuff we need to honor our whys.

This may seem deep and philosophical, but it’s very simple. When you can answer what is your why, you will figure out your life. Who do you want to spend time with? What brings a smile to your face? What gets you fired up?

Life, growing up, getting older, is a gift. Once we appreciate every single day as a gift, we’re on our way to living a damn wonderful life!

Thank you for spending your time reading these words. I write them to inspire change for the better. I write these blogs to help us all live happier lives. It’s my pleasure to share what I’ve learned, and I am grateful for this opportunity to do so.

To your why,

Francesca