I’ve always been a private person, only sharing my life and true thoughts with a few people. And I have to trust someone first to do that.

I’ve been putting my life out there, and after the dust settled from my anxiety from doing it, I know now it was the right thing to do. The gist of this blog is to share things that have helped me, and I had to stop worrying about what others would think, as do you. We expel energy doing that, which could be better used on something more productive. Like, being ourselves!

Today, I realized that I devote so much of my time to cleaning, tidying, organizing, fixing, etc., because I have a standard of living in my head that I want to adhere to. However, I have been feeling rather beat down lately, wishing I had the money to pay someone to do those things, which would allow us to live that standard but not have to expend that time to do it. I need peace of mind to focus on my goals. I can’t write with dishes in the sink or laundry that must be folded and put away. I simply have no peace of mind. I have to wait until everything is “just so,” and then I can relax and do what’s important to me.

The problem is I haven’t been relaxing much, always doing something I deem “productive” that needs to be done. I was out on the back porch this morning, sweeping up leaves and those seedling things we used to call helicopters. I finished and thought, the wind is going to blow more on it. But I was okay for that moment when I could see the standard at which I would like to live. I want to have a clean, organized porch. No fairies come out at night and do the work for us.

So, what will it take for me to get serious about my writing? Writing this blog was a massive deal for me and is a blessing because it forces me to write twice a week (minimum.) But I’ve missed a few Sunday blogs due to life happening, and that’s okay. What’s not okay is going day and day without touching my book or sending a submission to an agent for my other one. You know, sending my stuff out! I like to complain about the amount of work I’ve done and not earning a living from, but what do I do to make my life different? Not much.

I know that we are programmed for the people we are today. And I also know we have the power and ability to change that programming to how we want to be, to live a life that makes us happy. I’ve made a joke to a therapist: am I going to need shock therapy to change my thinking? That’s how much I know I need to change. I wouldn’t really consider that type of therapy. It was a joke, but it was born out of a desperate need to change quickly.

Here’s the kicker. We can’t make a lasting change quickly. It takes time  – years – in my case – decades. One therapist had told me getting healthy is like peeling an onion. I realized that you must go deeper into your core to find the pain, make peace with it, and change the associated thoughts.  I’ve done a lot of the work already, and I do feel good. However, there is this nagging, won’t let go, thought process that compels me to use my time doing things other than working on my writing. I’ve got to be at my core, and I’m blocking something important.

I need to know what’s stopping me from doing what I say is so important to me and how I want to earn a living. How many of us take jobs just for the money? I’m sorry for those that have. I have, too. Each time I work at my job, I think it’s okay. Then I get disgusted and know how much more I am worth financially, creatively, and respectfully. I have applied to many jobs to make that change, but nothing yet. I still have hope, though.

If you feel stuck at a dead end and it looks like there’s no way out, I challenge you to do one thing – just turn around. Go back to where you came from and see if there’s another way to get you where you want to be.

There is nothing that can’t be fixed. Think about that. If you get a broken heart, time heals it, making it more tolerable. If you hurt someone, you can apologize. If you are having financial trouble, reach out and tell someone; they might help you or know where you can find help. But you need to turn around.

By turning around, you have an opportunity to revisit what’s bothering you and work at fixing it. Because, let’s face it, the only way we are healing and moving on is by addressing what is hurting us. You can’t fix a cut you can’t see. I encourage you to take some alone time and ponder.  You don’t necessarily have to write in a journal or even record your thoughts some other way – just think. Close your eyes and see what is bothering you the most – the thing that won’t let you move on. What does it feel like? Do you feel anger? Sadness? Confusion? Feel the emotion.

If it feels like anger, you’ve held onto that pain for too long and need to get it out. You can do this in two ways that I’ve found helpful: shout it out or write it out. One way or another, you’ve got to get it out. Anger left alone gets more angry. I once screamed so loud in my car while driving that I thought the other drivers heard me. But boy, did it feel good to get that yuck out of me. Try it. I don’t think anyone really heard me. I wrote that to make a point. I screamed loud!

When sadness takes hold of us, this manifests into all sorts of things like depression and hopelessness. Believe me, I’ve felt both. It’s horrible to feel like that, but if you take the time to figure out what makes you sad, you can address it and change it around. Trust me, you can. I’ve done it. All you have to do is focus on a positive thing. When you see that life can be better, you feel better. This takes practice and focus. You must stick to one thought and not allow your mind to revert to sadness. It’s not denial. It is accepting that you can make life what you want just by your thoughts.

Feeling confused is when you don’t have a plan and go through your days willy-nilly, like me, bouncing from one thing to the next that you see needs to be done. There’s no organization or linear thought, and adhering to a schedule is nonexistent. I often feel like a ball in a pinball machine, moving from one thing to the next and exhausted by the end of the day. I want the ball to go through the flippers and be done with it, hoping tomorrow will be better. That’s no way to live.

We just need to turn around. Take those steps back in your mind and deal with what you keep running away from. It’s not that scary, and you can handle it. You’re not reliving it. You are seeing it for the memory that it is and feeling the feelings to make peace with it. Scream it out! Write it out! Talk it out! Do something to get that poison out of you! Trust me, you will feel much lighter and better afterward, and the dead end will turn into an open road.

Thank you for reading this. Let me know if this resonates with you! I hope I have offered positive life help.

To Turning Around,

Francesca