You can have boundaries and not even know it. Boundaries protect us. Our minds let us know when our boundaries are crossed, just like an alarm system on a house that lets the owner know something is wrong. Since we’re the owners of our minds, we can sense an impending boundary crosser and do something about it before it happens. But for that to happen, we need to be paying attention.

Boundaries are necessary for happiness. It’s as simple as that. When we feel like our boundaries aren’t respected, it can get us angry or sad. We don’t want to feel those emotions. Feeling happiness and joy is much better.

If our boundaries get crossed or broken, that’s on us because we’re responsible for upholding them. When we watch our boundaries get stepped on and dismantled and don’t do anything to stop it, we’ve allowed old wounds and childhood messaging to control our self-preservation. It’s interesting to watch people cross boundaries without giving it a second thought. I think they get away with it because no one calls them out on their rude behavior, and so maybe they don’t know they’re doing anything wrong. We operate on the information given to us.

Have you ever run into someone who grilled you with a bunch of personal questions, maybe even some inappropriate, like asking how much you earn? That is boundary crossing. It’s also when someone gets too close to your personal space. And when someone assumes they know you and makes wrong judgment calls about you, that’s also crossing a boundary because they aren’t giving you respect.

We can’t allow our boundaries to get crossed without putting up a fuss. It’s healthy for us to uphold them. If you think about how boundaries like a fence, keep things in or out, we need to do the same with our lives. And creating boundaries keeps us happy and feeling in control.

So, how are your boundary bubbles?

Do you pay attention to them and uphold them like knights at the castle door, or do you neglect to reinforce and maintain them, and they crumble at the slightest push? My boundary bubbles were the latter. I tried to create boundaries but allowed anyone to cross them without a fuss. I didn’t believe I deserved to uphold my boundaries without feeling someone else would be upset if I did. How sad, and that didn’t make for a happy life. I felt like I didn’t have a say in how my life turned out.

Boundary bubbles are necessary to keep us consistent and focused. If you don’t want to be distracted, do what you have to do to keep up the boundary of focus time. Shut off your phone, close the door, or do whatever you need to do to help keep up the boundary to get something done right. Your boundaries matter.

Boundaries are good for our relationships because they let others know what we will and will not stand for. Knowing a person’s boundaries makes relationships easier to navigate (and boundaries can be likes and dislikes, not just regarding time or space).

When you tell someone what you want or need, hold yourself to that standard. Don’t waver. You chose those boundaries for a reason. Remember your why. Just like a fence needs support posts dug deep in the ground to keep it secure, we need to keep ourselves secure, and that means upholding boundaries no matter what.

Take a moment to think about the boundaries you create in your life. How are you upholding them? Do you honor yourself with sturdy boundaries or allow crossers? And if you do, how are you going to fix that?

In order to keep up boundaries, we need a few things:

1. A healthy sense of self.
2. Good self-worth and self-esteem.
3. Respect for ourselves.

That’s it. That’s all you need to keep up boundaries. Once you know, honor, and respect yourself, your boundaries can be impenetrable.

Note that there’s a line between healthy self-preservation and creating boundaries to keep the world out because life hurts you. That doesn’t help you live a happy life. It keeps you stuck in pain. Once you address the pain, you can move on and create healthy boundaries. Boundaries can be with work, eating, exercise, relationships—anything really. The key is creating a healthy balance. Respect your boundaries and respect others’ boundaries.

Thank you for reading this, and I hope I gave you something to think about to help you live a happy life.

To boundaries,

Francesca