I have a sign in my office with these exact words.

What we have in our lives is what we believe we deserve. If we drive a beautiful luxury automobile, then that’s what we believe we deserve. If someone says anything negative about what you have, it’s not your responsibility to respond or feel bad for having something they don’t have.

Most of us work for what we have. I was very blessed to have parents who gave me their hand-me-down cars. They weren’t what I would choose, but at the time, I was grateful for having a good working vehicle to drive, especially being a single mother with a small child. I never gave it much thought as to what I thought I deserved.

One day, I drove my mother’s Mercedes Benz and felt different. Sure, the car drove like a solid tank and handled the road well, but I felt I was meant to drive a beautiful car like that one. And I knew one thing for sure; I needed to earn money to afford a car like that. It wasn’t about wanting the car to feel superior or to heighten my self-esteem or worth; it felt good driving a well-made car.

Fast forward years later, my tastes have changed to wanting a Lexus instead of a Mercedes, which is still a good, solid luxury automobile. That’s what I believe I deserve now.

I was in a car accident in January, and my car was totaled.  It was a Toyota Camry, but not the car I’d chosen. I was grateful for it but again got it out of necessity. A fallen tree destroyed the car before that.

I know; it seems like I have the worst luck. Well, I think it goes deeper than luck. I believe what happens to us in our lives now directly results from our past thoughts. The car struck by a humungous tree was another vehicle I didn’t choose but, again, got out of necessity and was what I could afford. I was thankful for the vehicles; they got me to work, appointments, and the grocery stores. They allowed me freedom and a safe way to travel. But there was still a part of me that wished I was driving a different car.

I know someone who has a luxury SUV. It’s a beautiful car and performs nicely. When he got it, a co-worker said, “Look at all the money you’re making to afford  that!” He felt terrible for a second, knowing his co-worker was driving a reasonably priced vehicle. But then he thought, wait a minute, I work hard for my money and deserve to ride around in a vehicle that represents my tastes and makes me happy. There were a few others who made snarky comments about it, too. Why?

Some folks are happy with what we have, but some feel jealousy or envy and will express it with hurtful words. To try to make you feel bad for having something nice?

Don’t you dare feel bad for what you have!

Growing up, for reasons I do not know, my family noticed and commented on what someone else had. So and so got a new car. So and so built a new house. So and so blah blah blah. I detested the dinner conversations that avoided the family. I would have liked to hear, “Hey, what’s new with you?” instead of worrying about what someone else had.

At jobs I’ve had, there were co-workers who thought nothing of commenting on my clothes, one even went so far as to say I looked like a hooker! I had worn gorgeous well-made black knee-high boots (not hooker boots), and tights, with a knee-grazing jumper and turtle neck. I felt so bad! She kept at it during the work shift calling me names. Oh my God, we were both in our thirties! We were not kids on the playground! I never wore them again and gave them away. I let her get to me. I chose my clothes carefully after that so she wouldn’t make fun of me again.

What this did to me was create a terrible insecurity, and I wanted to be invisible. I didn’t want to be the one with the new car or nice clothes because they would talk about me, maybe even make fun of me, as it happened before with other things I had and was so proud and happy to have.

I gave someone else power over my thoughts and lived a small sheltered life. I felt terrible about the ring I chose and how I organized my house with pretty boxes because we had a small house with limited closet space. I felt terrible about the patio I built because I didn’t do it right. And I felt bad for wanting a better life, a nicer car, a bigger house, and earning more money to support all that.

Why? Because those close to me thought it was okay to throw their opinions and judgment at me to try to make me feel bad. Why? I blamed myself for years, but now I believe it was because I was different. I don’t know, I’m not in someone else’s head, but all signs point to being jealous. How sad for them.

We all are gifted a beautiful life, and we can do, say and have anything we want. As long as our choices are not hurting anyone or breaking the law, we don’t have to answer to anyone! But when toxic behavior comes to you from your family or someone close to you, it can hurt and affect what you believe.

Don’t you dare feel bad for what you have!

Be proud of what you have. Shout it from the rooftops if you want. Who cares? You deserve what you want. It doesn’t matter who has what. Your choices are your choices and should not be affected by someone else’s petty insecurities.

Please remember that when you choose something you want, if you can afford it, go for it and enjoy your life. And don’t listen to anyone else’s opinion of what is best for you.

Thank you for reading.

To a life full of goodies that make us smile,

Francesca