I knew the definition of denial (refusal to admit the truth or reality of something). When I looked it up, there was another definition for denial (refusal to satisfy a request or desire.) So, denial is also a refusal to satisfy a request or desire. Huh, that made me think about how much I have been in denial since I refused to satisfy a request or desire.

For way too many years, living in denial made for a stressful life. Sure, things looked good on paper, but it wasn’t reality. I heard a YouTube video, How To Break the Bad Habits, while I was making jewelry. (I love to listen to personal development videos and learn something new while doing stuff like cleaning, sewing, or making jewelry today.) The guy speaking used the example of exercising and how we start in an expert mentality where we think we have to be in pain and do all this stuff we don’t want to do to achieve the goal of losing weight. He said the better way is to take it slow, scale up with a small thing that we can handle and want to do, and the positive change will happen over time.

It made a lot of sense because somewhere along the way, we’ve learned that we need to be perfect at something in order to believe it’s worthwhile to pursue. I’ve been one of those people who gave up things too quickly if it wasn’t easy enough or would guarantee me a good outcome in a short amount of time. Where did I learn that behavior? I don’t know exactly, but I’m sure it was learned as a child. As an adult, I’ve felt like I’ve been trying to climb a mountain for years now, and as soon as I seem to be getting to the steep, difficult part, I go back down to the ground where it’s safe – and easy to walk around.

But is that what we want? Do we want an easy life? Is that going to bring us peace and happiness?

For me, it won’t. Yet, I’ve been living in a comfort zone that hasn’t fulfilled my desires at all. So, I’ve been living in denial.

Denial is one of the permanent residents of the comfort zone. You know, the comfort zone that excuses calories from eating that ice cream because you had a bad day or ignore your body’s need for exercise because you have too much going on. We don’t do anything scary or do something that demands courage and grit when we live in denial. Living in denial feels good, though, right?  Well, until something happens to shake us up. It could be a health condition that has been ignored too long and now consumes the person who didn’t want to deal with preventative measures. Or it could be what I’ve been doing, hiding, keeping myself so busy so I can justify why I’m not doing the actions I need to do to attain my goals. I’ve been in denial because I didn’t want to face the truth that I was too scared to challenge the beliefs I learned from someone else.

One of the biggest buddies of denial is having projects and stuff around that take our mental and physical energy. Denial loves procrastinators and complainers because then the person has good reasons why they are so stubborn and miserable, or in my case, the refusal to satisfy my desire to earn a living writing, doing what I love to do. Challenging old messaging and beliefs is tough, but if we want something bad enough, we have to stop being in denial and do something about it.

So, how do we stop denying reality, maybe who we are or what we truly want?

First, realize we are in denial.

You have to be tough with yourself. Not the berating crap you learned as a child. You have to do tough love. Know you’re doing the best you can but still taking some action every day. Small steps equal real results. There’s no quick fix for a lot of stuff we go through in life. We have to take the time if we want something. We have to get real.

Seeing reality for what it is is good for us. And sure, it might hurt, but we’ll heal better and become stronger because of it. Look how a cut heals on your body. Your mind heals, too.

Face whatever is bothering you. Don’t look for escapes or excuses like I did. Visualize what you want, make a plan, and get going with some action. Enjoy the journey and even the tiniest successes. And always know you’re doing your best, and that is good enough!

Thank you for reading this. I hope I gave you something valuable to consider in helping you live a happy life.

To not being in denial,

Francesca