As we Forgive Those Who Trespass Against Us
Most of us know the title is a line from The Lord’s Prayer. The line before that is “And forgive us our trespasses.” It got me thinking about what exactly that means.
Sure, I say my prayers, one of which is The Lord’s Prayer, but given recent events, I let the line, “As we forgive those who trespass against us,” sink in. I felt I had no choice. Here’s why.
We have all gotten hurt at one time or another in our lives. Being alive comes with challenges. One is navigating life with the experiences that harmed us in the past. I was triggered the other day about a particularly traumatic experience that happened to me. I hadn’t dared to think of or mention him. As far as I was concerned, after getting help at the Victims Resource Center for a time and dealing with the trauma, I’ve moved past the pain.
Well, it didn’t feel like I did.
I went for a walk to clear my head, and I got angrier and angrier. I wanted revenge! I wanted to expose him (and I still might one day) and hold him accountable for what he did to me. I was pissed!
Then I met up with my husband after work, told him what had happened about the trigger, and hit the closest bar for a beer. That is a rarity for me. It was warm out, so we sat alone outside on the patio, and the Belgian Ale (don’t remember the name, but it wasn’t Stella Artois) went down really nice. Still, I was furious! I wanted revenge!
The following morning, I woke and wrote with a vengeance about what he did to me. I added details. It was going to exploit that fucker once and for all. I felt empowered and strong!
However, the next day, after saying The Lord’s Prayer (and being affected by recently going through my high school yearbook that I hadn’t seen in a very long time and seeing how many of my classmates have died) it got me changing my tune about vengeance and being angry.
I felt a strange sense of peace I had never felt before. What was causing this? How could this happen like this? I’m supposed to be pissed off and plotting revenge! Instead, after saying my prayers and looking up at the Jesus picture I have in my office— the one where the eyes follow you —I felt differently. Wow oh wow.
Before I go on about this change of heart, I’d like to share a conversation I had with my husband about our home. I’ve been here going on 29 years. I thought I’d be out of here years ago, but that did not happen. I’m frustrated and really want to move to a new home. My husband knows how I feel about this, and the only way out of here is with me earning beaucoup bucks because my standard of living is quite high and I want to choose what I want. I won’t compromise.
Anyway, I told my husband that I’d been feeling bad about the house, focusing on all the things I don’t like about it and getting depressed. The other day, I stopped that kind of thinking and picked out several things about the house for which I am thankful. I thought I could only come up with three things, but I kept thinking of more. Before I knew it, I felt really good and grateful for what I have. Mind shifts can be wonderful.
I had read about gratitude in The Secret and other books on the subject. I have a gratitude journal that I write in from time to time, but I rarely feel truly grateful. There was always a hollowness to my gratitude. Yes, I’m thankful, but… That “but” was hugely filled with all the things I wanted and believed I deserved. How is that thankful? It wasn’t, really.
Now I truly feel the gratitude I have for this house. I’m more relaxed and not so anxious. I feel blessed instead of cursed. I feel happy instead of sad. Amazing. All the books I’ve read and readings I’ve encountered on the Internet, as well as the YouTube videos I’ve watched on the subject of gratitude, make sense. And even though I’d been living in what I see as chaos (projects half-done or never started due to shoulder surgeries, messes, and disorganization), I’m okay with it. I can focus on better things.
So, getting back to the topic of this post, the same thing seemed to happen to me about the revenge thing after reciting The Lord’s Prayer and zeroing in on, “As we forgive those who trespass against us.” I had a mind (or heart) shift.
I thought that what matters most is that I am happy, and being fueled with anger or contempt is not serving me happiness. That’s like giving myself a fast-food fish sandwich instead of a well-prepared, homemade meal. I realized that I can make better choices.
Enough allowing past pain to haunt my thoughts. I have had enough being tormented and controlled by a past that I can never change, and thinking about it only continues to hurt me.
I believe these mind shifts have taken place because I did the work. I took the time to reflect on my life and immerse myself in the pain, feeling it (at times reluctantly) and letting it out (usually crying like a baby left alone for too long). But I got it out of me. I released the poison. I feel freer.
Forgiving someone doesn’t mean they are off the hook for their harmful actions or that we ever forget; it means we release the pain we feel about the person or situation. To do that, first, we have to deal with it. We can’t expect to send the memory or memories back into our minds and not think about them. If something hurts us and we don’t address it, it will continue to hurt us in other ways. We may find ourselves reliving the same experience with other people because we never addressed the underlying hurt.
If we want to improve and lead happy lives, we’ve got to put in some effort to make that happen. It took me years to figure that one out, and I want to help others get there faster than I did. Start off small with practicing forgiveness. If someone rudely cuts you off in traffic (with no possibility of an accident), don’t let it get to you. Forgive the person for their actions. No harm, no foul. Immediately think of something good, anything but what just happened. Move past it quickly.
After a while of forgiving the little irritating things, we build up our forgiveness muscle and then realize the secret all along was thinking good thoughts for ourselves. When we don’t forgive, we think harmful thoughts (like wanting revenge). As the Roman philosopher Cicero said, “Living well is the best revenge,” and that is what I intend to do.
Let’s focus our thoughts on positive stuff. That’s the stuff that makes us feel calm, relaxed, and happy. It’s not difficult to do, but it does take practice and discipline. We can do it! We deserve a good life.
To forgiving,
Francesca
Photos by Jussme unless otherwise noted.
Written by a human for humans.
(c) 2025 Francesca M.E. All Rights Reserved.
