Every interaction we have with each other is subjective to an individual’s perspective. We interact through our lenses, prejudices, and insecurities, and what may come off as a person meaning well can, in fact, be taken as a hurtful comment. Other times, there is no justification.

What I’ve been pondering lately is how a person could repeatedly hurt another. What kind of person do you have to be to treat someone with disrespect, malice, and contempt?

I’ve been on a healing journey these last few years to heal my soul.  My husband asked me why I put up with it for so long, and if it were him, he’d stick up for himself. I answered that I wasn’t raised to think of myself as worthy of respect.

There’s a difference between living in the past and continually being in pain and learning from the past and healing your psyche from the damage done.

I’ve lived with a burden and I’ve worked hard to heal myself, but I would get hurt again. I knew I had to change.

When the most you experience is toxic and self-harming, and few support a better life for you, how are you supposed to believe you deserve better? Children aren’t born with good self-worth; it’s learned.

I had to learn how to soothe my soul and fix what was once broken. And I am very grateful to have gotten help from therapists and having a loving and supportive husband. It’s been a noble endeavor to see myself as a worthwhile person who deserves respect and recognition for who I am and what I do.

However, I am still hiding in the shadows.

So much shame, wrong messages, and fear have controlled my destiny, and though I now believe I am worthy of the life I choose, taking action on it hasn’t been happening so much. It’s all been wishes, desires, and a dream. I haven’t taken myself seriously because I’ve been seeking external validation for an internal struggle that I’ve had with being okay being my real self.

I need to know that others have struggles, too, because I have been hiding myself for fear of being seen as “damaged” or “dramatic.” I believe that sharing my experiences, showing my scars, and celebrating my unique aura inspires is worth my time.

I’ve been living in the shadows trying to protect myself from criticism, judgment, and pain.

I don’t want to do that anymore.

To being in the light,

Francesca

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