One can’t help but reminisce about past Christmases this time of year. Being a kid at Christmas was the best! I always believed in the magic of Christmas. It wasn’t all about getting presents (although getting a new toy was pretty sweet); it was a feeling that made it special.

It certainly wasn’t because of the family I had. There was always chaos, yelling, and drama. I couldn’t even play Christmas music softly during the holiday.

No, I found peace on my own, listening to Christmas music on my ladybug radio behind the chair in the formal living room where I wouldn’t get caught, staring out the front window at the snow falling at night, knowing people were out there celebrating the holiday with music, pleasant conversations, in a supportive and kind atmosphere, or going to a store in town amidst the Christmas lights (those big bulbs) and decorations.

I felt it—the magic of Christmas. It was all around me. As I got older and became a mother, I wanted to give my daughter that same feeling at Christmas. I did the best I could in our home, but the exposure to my family’s mayhem stifled our peace, even if she didn’t know it then. The interactions caused anxiety—at least they did for me.

The one thing I always wanted to give to my family (as a kid and beyond) but didn’t was my authentic self. I couldn’t, and any slips that happened caused me pain.

I couldn’t be my authentic self with the friends of my youth either. I was terrified of getting made fun of or abused, so I became agreeable and a chameleon. I tried to blend in with the background. I’d sing alone in the woods because when I sang softly to the music playing on a boombox, I’d hear about it (and not in a positive way.)

I wasn’t authentic with my daughter either. Growing up in a family where material possessions mattered more than feelings, I continued the messaging with my daughter by always being a nervous wreck perfectionist, being away from her making money, showing my daughter neither genuine love nor who her mother really was.

Like my family and friends, I gave my daughter glimpses of who I was, and like my family, I felt hurt by her sarcasm or digs at me. I believed she thought I was a pipe dreamer. I was not taken seriously for who I was because I rarely showed who I was (for a time, I didn’t even know who I was).

If you think about your interactions with people, the times when you were your authentic self had to feel like the best times. I know they do for me and continue to do so. Being our authentic selves is like opening our home’s door, feeling grateful for the company, and saying, “Come on in!” There’s no anxiety or pressure. We feel comfortable taking off the masks and just being who we are.

It took me a long time to get here, and I know that from now on, Christmases will be the happy, joyful times I’ve always wanted—all because I’m my authentic self.

Giving our authentic selves this Christmas or holiday spent with family or friends will yield better conversations because we’re speaking from a place of peace, not worried about being judged. When we believe in ourselves and celebrate whoever the hell we wish to be, we’re having authentic conversations where others can be their authentic self, too, without feeling judged or uncomfortable. It’s a win-win.

When you give the gift of yourself, you are giving the best gift ever. Could you imagine the conversations when people are living their authentic lives? We would get to learn new things because people wouldn’t be afraid to share their passions, hobbies, dreams, goals, and truth. Such conversations would inspire all of us to become better versions of ourselves.

Let’s live without fear of judgment and be ourselves, thereby eradicating jealousy, envy, and comparing ourselves with others.

Every person on our Christmas list deserves to receive the real us. We need to take down the walls of protection and let ourselves be free. That’s the best gift we can give ourselves, too.

Let’s just be ourselves without the weight of worry or fear that someone might judge us. People are going to judge anyway. It might as well be for who you really are!

Thank you for reading this. I wish everyone a thoughtful, happy, and joyful holiday season.

To the best gift,

Francesca