I had to pull this one out of my soul because I could have written an easy blog about how we should speak better – like how “He doesn’t know how to ride a bike” sounds better than “He don’t know how to ride a bike” because it disagrees with the subject. Nope, I decided to go deep.

When we speak to one another, there’s a transfer of energy.

Even if someone is angry but wears a smile while talking, we can tell they are angry. The eyes and body language say more than words. So, even if we think we’re being crafty by saying nothing is wrong while wearing a smile, but inside you are seething, the other person will know it. That isn’t fair to you or the other person to keep what you’re feeling inside. I know fear makes us do these things to protect ourselves or avoid confrontation. It’s a suitable defense mechanism in theory, but it doesn’t help anyone.

The trick is learning how to control our emotions so that we can speak nicely without anger churning inside. And believe me, I know that sometimes our buttons get pushed, and anger and adrenaline flood us. We yell and get nasty. When that occurs, we speak to win, not to discuss.

Speaking is an art.

Honestly, it is. I’m sure you’ve heard someone speak, and it puts you in such a good state. You want more of it. I like the way Morgan Freeman speaks. He narrated a documentary, and his voice seemed like it could calm anyone down. I don’t know anything about his personal life, but his voice on screen can soothe a screaming baby. Morgan Freeman could look at the baby and say, “Now, why is a little tyke like you crying? (Did you read that in his voice? I did!) There’s a good chance that the baby stops crying.

It’s all in the inflection. (modulation of intonation or pitch in the voice. “She spoke slowly and without inflection”)

When we speak, we most likely ignore our cadence, rhythm, and emphasis on words and how they affect our communication.

I could walk into a convenience store to pay for gas and say, “I’d like $30 on pump 5,” in so many different ways. If I was angry, it might come out as snippy or mean, and then I’d be spreading that around. But if I’m aware of my speaking and promote a good mood, the cashier can sense it and help him or her be in a good mood, too. Isn’t it better to share that attitude? I would hope so.

Let’s speak better to have happy and healthy relationships, especially with children.

Paying attention to our words is part of it. We need to own and control our emotions. By being in control of our emotions and making peace with the low ones (anger, hate, anxiety, sadness, hopelessness, and guilt), we have the freedom to express ourselves in a way that serves us all well. When we are happy, others around us can experience happiness, too. Remember, words don’t go away after they’re said or written.

Sure, there are just some people living their lives by old programs learned from parents, families, caretakers, etc., who won’t ever be happy for someone else who is happy, and that’s okay. We don’t have to make it our problem. We can still be happy around people who aren’t happy themselves. That gives us the opportunity to be role models instead of absorbing the negativity and losing control of our emotions.

Speaking better avoids confusion or questions.

Be honest but not harmful. It’s okay to share our feelings and say things like, “This upsets me when…” or “I’m having a hard time processing this.” When we just blurt out words that hurt because we’re hurt, problems arise. Let’s pay more attention to our words.

Kindness matters.

You don’t have to be a particular person or live a specific life to be kind. Speaking better can encourage, provide insight, motivate, or help someone feel good. That’s what kindness is.

When you run into someone nasty or mean, don’t give in to it and let it control you. Rise above it and let it fall off you like it’s a fuzz blowing in the air. Let it fly into nothingness where nastiness and meanness belong.

Thank you for reading this, and I hope we all speak better to spread goodness around. Let me know in the comments if you agree or disagree with this. Communication goes both ways.

To speaking better,

Francesca