What I mean by the cryptic title are the people in our lives we put on pedestals, like statues.

I put so many people on pedestals and looked up to them like I did the statues of Jesus, Mary, and the saints in the sanctuary of the church I went to growing up. There were little candles at the base of the church statues, and I’d put a dollar in the metal box attached to the candle setup, light one with a long, thin stick, like a giant toothpick, and say a prayer. I believed in the power of those statues.

I had people on pedestals because I thought I wasn’t good enough. I had a terrible belief that I wasn’t good enough for respect or genuine love. And I certainly didn’t feel good enough to embrace and promote my love of singing, songwriting, and writing. I kept all that inside, and growing up the only place I felt safe to sing was alone in the woods. Seriously, you get told to shut up and stop singing enough times, and you believe it’s because you’re not good enough.

Somehow, I kept the belief that I thought I sounded good and that my words were good, too. I can only surmise that it came from a higher power because what I went through would have broken a weaker person. I didn’t get broken; I got stronger, more aware, and tougher. Thank God!

A lot of us put people on a pedestal without realizing it. I learned I was doing that when a therapist told me I had my father on a pedestal. I also have vague recollections that my mother used to scream at me that I put my father on a pedestal. (I have had a volatile relationship with my mother since I can remember, and my father was absent a lot.)

You’ll know you’ve put someone on a pedestal when you don’t feel yourself around them. You hide your authentic self because you think they would disapprove of you. So, you play a game. It’s not a real relationship. It’s a game relationship where there’s only one winner: the statue person on the pedestal.

It’s truly amazing how we do this. I even did it with my daughter. I’m sure many parents have their children on pedestals. And the more people we put on pedestals, the less respect we get. I need to read that sentence again. Wow.

I came up with another wow yesterday when I told my husband that my relationship with my father was turning to dust. Then I realized that it goes along with him being a statue on a pedestal for my entire life. Statues can fade away and turn to dust when we don’t care about them anymore.

What should be up at churches are mirrors with notes under them like, “Whoever you see is your power and strength” or “Smile at the brave and courageous person looking back at you.”  If you think about it, we humans go through a lot, and we need to be brave and strong just to get through life.

We need to believe that we’re good enough for anything that comes our way. Take the people off the pedestal and allow relationships to flourish by being yourself. Those who cannot handle who we are and display that outright by saying hurtful things or making you feel less than by actions or body language sadly do not belong in our lives. Sure, it is a tough decision, but in order to grow, we have to move to a different pot, like a plant.

It’s scary to leave the past behind. Some of us, like myself, have clung to the past and allowed it to interfere with our present-day by causing us anxiety, frustration, and anger. It’s becoming clearer how many people I made into statues and put them on pedestals. There were even cat statues. Our last cat ran the show. When she cried, I jumped. She trained me! Cats can be shifty.

Our next pet is going to be a dog. Even though cats aren’t as much “work” as having a dog, they know how to manipulate to get what they want and don’t listen to no (like when scratching the couch.) There are many humans with the cat-like attitude. Oh, and the dog I want is a Weimeraner. Hopefully, two, a boy and a girl (not from the same litter), and I’m naming them Hayden and Thane.  🙂

We don’t always know we view someone as a statue on a pedestal, but others can see it. Ask a trusted friend to tell if you put someone on a pedestal. Don’t choose the one you actually put on a pedestal because their answers will be biased and skewed.  So, how do we know if we have statues on a pedestal?

Signs We Have Statues In Our Life: 

1. We often feel small and insignificant around them.
2. We ignore our time. Sure, I can help you, even though I have an important thing to do for myself.
3. We hold back telling the truth. What’s goin’ on? Nothin’ much.
4. We don’t let them know that they hurt us and keep the pain inside, only for it to fester into anger and resentment.
5. We change into another person or revert to a child around them.
6. We allow ourselves to be manipulated, even when we are aware of it!
7. We feel like we’re stuck.

So, what’s the solution to get rid of the statues?  

Gaining self-esteem, self-confidence, and loving ourselves.

How do we do that? 

It’s a process, and it doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a gradual change, just like when you’re working out with weights. We have to build up the muscle.

We achieve this by:

1. Get to know who we are.
2. Do things we love to do.
3. Be around people who lift us instead of tearing us down.
4. Think good thoughts about ourselves and others ( read positive affirmations, read helpful books, watch YouTube videos by professionals who give self-help advice, and read this blog regularly to get a lot of good stuff into our minds.)
5. Feel gratitude and be humble.
6. Love ourselves (that begins with forgiving ourselves, and then we can fully love and embrace ourselves and truly love another.)
7. Pay attention and give ourselves credit for little victories. Waking up and doing something for ourselves that is beneficial to our health is a victory. Count that. Little victories add up to big successes.

Thank you for reading this, and I hope you’ve found a nugget or two of helpful stuff. That’s why I’m doing this. Comment if you found it helpful.

To Taking Down Statues,

Francesca