My mother makes this incredible cream for her banana cream pie. It is decadent and loaded with calories and fat—the yummy kind of dessert. I made it for Mother’s Day this year. While beating the homemade whipped cream, I had to taste it, you know, for quality control. It was delicious. Didn’t think about the fact I’m lactose intolerant, and I need to take Lactaid before I ingest any dairy food. It was such a small amount of cream I thought I’d be fine. Well, I got terrible symptoms from it and had no desire to eat it. So, instead of having pie, I had Pepto-Bismol.

The next day, the pie called me, beckoning me to eat it. I swear I heard it. So, after I got home from yoga class, I took a Lactaid tablet and had a spoonful of pie. Yada, Yada, Yada, I ate two pieces, rationalizing it was my breakfast.

Am I proud of that? Hell no! Am I ashamed to write this? No. I wanted to share this because, like everyone else, I’m learning as I go along. I wanted that pie on Mother’s Day and didn’t have it. That pie was scrumptious, and I regret nothing! Sure, I probably gained a few pounds, but I’ll work at getting rid of it.

Then the reality set in that I can’t be so careless when eating. I didn’t beat myself up. I acknowledged that I could enjoy that incredible pie once a year. Then, the thought of eating healthier and moving more flooded my mind.

I have this awful habit of criticizing and judging myself way too much. (A result of my upbringing.) I hesitate to be myself with most people, shying away from sharing my great sense of humor or wonderful mind. And I don’t promote the fact that I write and sing enough for fear of judgment. But this is who I am. Really, for real. I’m a writer and a good singer-songwriter and I don’t acknowledge it enough. My email address is writersings@gmail.com. Not one person I gave it to ever said, are you a writer who sings? Hardly anyone pays attention to those things, right? I would ask about a unique email, like planejumper@gmail.com, to see if they skydive.

Getting back to why I’m writing this post.

Forget about perfect.

Forget about perfect when you can’t fit into your favorite jeans. Acknowledge the fact and promptly switch your thinking to what you can do to fit back into them without criticism or judgment. If you can’t love yourself when you’re overweight, loving yourself when you’re at the weight you desire is going to be hollow and always conditional. Thinking we’ll only love ourselves when we are at X weight is unhealthy and cruel to us. We’re doing the best we can with the knowledge, resources, and situation we’re in.

Forget about perfect when you say or do something and you think you’re judged, or you don’t speak up because you fear being judged. Let your mind move on quickly after interacting with people. We cannot know or control what someone else is thinking, so why do we waste our precious time and mental energy rehashing an experience that’s over? Let that sentence sink in. I know I need to. I’ll think about a conversation after it’s over and I’m no longer with a person. Like when I have an interaction at a store, and I don’t care for the way an employee treats me, I won’t say anything at the moment, but afterward, I think about how I wish I reacted to make them aware of their actions. Oh my God! Enough! Let’s stop rehashing junk. Leave that to recycling centers and give ourselves a break.

Forget about perfect when you keep stretching yourself way too thin and burn the candle at both ends to have it all.  We overworkers, or whatever it’s called when you can’t stop being busy, must learn to take time just to chill, relax, and stop worrying. The Earth will not come to a halt if we stop being so busy. Our families won’t desert us if we partake in some self-indulgent activity like exercising, doing a hobby, or asking for help so that we can enjoy time doing something we love. It’s okay to schedule in “me time.” Your body and mind will thank you (by giving you years of better health.)

Forget about perfect when you’re striving every single day to achieve a goal and put so much pressure on yourself to make it happen. Breathe and calm down. Timing happens at the right moment it is supposed to. All we can do is improve, learn, take action, and keep believing in ourselves.

Forget about perfect when you look in the mirror. See yourself for who you are. Look into your eyes and embrace and love what you see. If we have a need to alter ourselves because we believe we’re not good enough, then we need to think about why we’re doing it. If you exercise to get healthier, that’s good, but if you exercise just for the sake of looking good for someone else, then you believe you’re not good enough as yourself. Seek out people who love you for you. Plastic surgery has become the go-to to help us feel better about our bodies. Some actors who got plastic surgery don’t even look like themselves anymore. I wonder what they see when they look into their eyes. I’m not being judgy or inferring no one should get plastic surgery. Not at all! I’d love to get the excess skin pulled taught in my neck to match the side of my face that has been disfigured a little from getting two tumors removed from the parotid gland in my face. It’s hardly noticeable, but I see it. I guess I’m asking for all of us to look at ourselves in the mirror and love what we see (in a healthy way – not in an “I’m so great and everyone is a peasant way.”)

Here’s the thing: perfect exists only in our minds. We determine what is perfect and what is not. Just because someone has the ability to make their home into a symmetrical, organized, relaxing space does not make it perfect. We label it perfect if that is what we perceive as perfect. Someone else might look at the same house and think it’s cold and lacks stuff – and far from what they deem as a perfect home.

The problem exists when we take someone else’s idea of perfection and make it our own. That’s where we feel a sense of lack and not good enough. Most of the time, we try to be perfect because we don’t want to get criticized by someone else. We take what someone (we perceive as more important than us) thinks as gospel, making us believe we are not good enough – yet. That’s exactly what we’re doing when we fall into the trap of perfection for the sake of someone else. We can strive to be the best version of ourselves, but it has to be our choice, not what so and so says or is doing or has or is.

This misrepresentation of perfection stems from our childhood. Children are impressionable and believe most of what they hear or experience. If we were constantly told as a child we weren’t good enough that just set us up for being a perfectionist as an adult. Wanting to better ourselves is a good thing. Wanting to be the best version of ourselves is healthy and benefits not only ourselves but others, too. Just don’t get hung up on the details. Go with the flow of life and be a good person. That in itself is perfection in my mind.

Thank you for reading this. If there is something I wrote that resonates with you, I’d love to know in the comments below. Your email and name are not used for anything or saved in any way. This is just for a conversation on this post.

To forgetting about perfect,

Francesca