I went to a presentation on the history of organized crime (mafia) in our area. The reason is that I have written a book, At What Price, that has some organized crime in it, and I went there for research and inspiration. During the first speaker’s PowerPoint presentation  (with photos and newspaper clippings), some people in the large audience laughed at certain stories. At the end of it, he told the people (paraphrasing not exactly what he said) that what he presented was not funny but horrifying and that we should not celebrate these people. However, the sizeable captive audience told another story.

Did you notice that there’s a lot of violence and negativity all around us on television with the news, crime shows, and documentaries? And it’s incredibly popular. People love to see and talk about train wrecks. I wonder, though, if the presentation I saw was about saints who came from our region and the good they did in the world, would there have been that many people? I don’t believe so. First, it seems that faith-based programs aren’t all that popular, and second, the majority of us love to see train wrecks. I assume everyone came to the presentation to learn more about this area, but again, if the presentation was only about coal mining (which was prominent in this area at one time), would there have been that large number of people? I don’t think so.

We all have the “what’s in it for me” thought process. How can we not? We’re born to be self-preserving to carry on the human race. The degree to which we think about that varies from person to person. Those in the organized crime bracket became somewhat of a celebrity. Most of us don’t focus on the pain and horror organized crime causes; instead, the fancy suits, money, hunger for power, and greed seem to make them role models for some. They seemed untouchable and cool. People feared them but also respected them. I will put a wager on that because books and movies showed the mob in a tough, mysterious fashion; people see real-life stories as romantic fairy tales of people with money and power.  (Dear God, I’m not a gambler; why do I keep betting? 🙂 )

So how does “what’s in it for me” tie into the presentation I saw on organized crime? It got me thinking about how most people celebrate money and power over authenticity and kindness.  Just think about a person you know who is loud, boisterous, and bossy; they seem to garner a lot of attention. They have the “what’s in it for me” attitude to the tenth degree, right, but somehow they get respect from others (primarily weak-minded, I’m sure.)

But I think most of us choose what we want and think about, “What’s in it for me?” quite often. I do sometimes, but not all the time. For example, if someone asks for my help, I don’t think, “What’s in it for me?” I just help them. All I require is a thank you. That’s non-negotiable. I believe we all want to feel at least appreciated and shown gratitude, especially when someone goes out of their way to help us. If you don’t say thank you, you’re a jerk. Stop being a jerk and say thank you. It’s so simple! These people who work in stores who take money from customers and say, “Have a good one,” reinforce this “what’s in it for me” mindset. They don’t have to think,  just say the minimal something. Like shells of a person, not present, not paying attention to life.  Are they zombie jerks for not caring to say, “Thank you?” (Which are fewer words than “Have a good one.”) Or just sheep following the herd? Who the hell started that mess? Even my mother says it!

Oh dear, I’m getting off-topic. I’m pretty passionate about the thank-you stuff.

So, back to “what’s in it for me.” Well, apparently, the cashiers working at the stores taking money from people (who earned that money to be able to buy those things) don’t bother to think about the person standing in front of them but instead, show a “what’s in it for me” attitude. The “I hate this boring, mindless job, and I want to get out of here so I can do something fun” attitude comes across clearly to me. I’ve had boring jobs before where the clock ticked slower than a sloth, but I was always professional and said thank you. So it’s got to be either entitlement or a lack of learning manners.

Believe it or not, today, more than ever, there are a lot of people raised in daycare centers. Their parents had to work, and they were cared for by strangers whose job was to care for many children, not just them. Manners and a sense of morality didn’t get highlighted in daycare centers. The assumption was that parents handled those vital human necessities when they picked up their children. I didn’t want to put my daughter in a daycare center, and I used to live like a skittish squirrel, trying to find someone to watch her when I worked, went to school, or was in a band. Some days, I felt like I couldn’t breathe right, stressed, and living with so much anxiety, having to find a responsible adult to watch her. And I made mistakes. And I’m paying for it now.  My “what’s in it for me?” attitude back then was about trying to create a better life for us, but I missed out on a lot of good stuff with my daughter.

I’m not saying we can never have a “what’s in it for me” attitude because we need to think that to protect or help ourselves at times. I’m proposing a balance where we have the “what’s in it for me” thought process but not at the expense of ourselves or someone else’s happiness. Being fascinated with bad stuff shows how much our lives are askew. Our society has placed reverence and importance on things that are essentially bad for us, yet we like it and want more of it. It seems many of us gave up our free will to let others dictate what’s important or what should be important. It’s kind of like the popular group in high school. It’s just a group of insecure kids following one bossy, manipulating, or mean kid who makes them feel lousy about themselves to control them. Those who want to fit in accept the bullshit and dress like them, act like them, and will do whatever to be part of the group – to feel like they are worthy of the leader’s attention. Why? Because they didn’t have a good enough “what’s in it for me” attitude and allowed someone else to dictate what would make them happy.

Balance is the key. Know the limits if you want to lead a happy life. Don’t be selfish, but don’t be a pushover. It’s simple.

Thank you for reading this, and I hope I offered another nugget to think about. I’d love to know if you liked this post and if it meant something to you.

To balancing self-preservation,

Francesca