When we settle for something in our lives, whether that’s a relationship, a job, or a friend, we’re telling ourselves that we don’t deserve anything better. What a sad state of affairs. Let’s find a way to immediately wipe those insecure and self-defeating thoughts out of our heads! It’s not a  suggestion. This is real life and we need to step up and do some action in order to facilitate the life we choose, not what we are willing to settle for.

I saw this cottage on a lake and had to take a photo of the foundation. It amazed me how it stood using parts of trees and a few masonry blocks. When I thought about this subject to write about today, that cottage came to mind and how it mimics a person who had settled. Their thoughts aren’t the strongest or the best choice for them to live a happy life. It’s the same with the cottage. Having pieces of a tree trunk holding up the dwelling might not be the best idea. But maybe I’m wrong, and it’s okay. I’m not an architect or builder. It just looked a little sketchy to me.

 

Settling for something we don’t want but accept scratches away at our self-worth and self-esteem little by little until one day, we wake up and realize this isn’t the life we wanted. Once, we find ourselves asking, how did I choose this path? That’s the breakthrough we need, and it’s time to make changes. And it doesn’t have to be enormous changes all at once. That can terrify the mind and not help it to stick to make a lasting change. Instead, make small changes; slowly, your mind will adapt to the new normal, and you’ll start seeing things change.

In the movie, The Princess Diaries with Anne Hathaway, where a shy, ordinary teenager from San Francisco learns she’s a princess of a European country. The queen, played by Julie Andrews, transforms the awkward teen into an elegant, beautiful princess who becomes confident and self-assured.

I know it’s only a movie but the idea that we can change how we feel about ourselves is something we can experience in real life. The young woman settled in her life because that’s all she knew, and she seemed perfectly content. When her life took a surprising turn into a world of luxury, beauty, and grace, it took some work to get her to believe she belonged there.

Any changes take some adjusting before the mind accepts it as true.

Do you know we can tell our minds anything, and the subconscious mind will believe it? We can. That’s how we got programmed in the first place. Our tiny brains absorbed information like a Sham Wow towel.

No matter what we learned, we believed it. And then we acted out our beliefs. And what happens when minds are full of negative, harmful messaging? We settle, living with a sub-par foundation (subconscious mind.)

Then, settling produces cracks, like a house built with a shoddy foundation. And those cracks develop over time from things like freezing/thawing, improper water drainage, and soil compaction or erosion. And similar, when we settle, factors such as negativity, lack of support, family dysfunction, and abuse create cracks in our lives. The cracks might not be realized until we’re adults, and we wonder why we feel anger, sadness, envy, and jealousy. Insecurity or anxiety settles in, and we can’t pinpoint where it originated. Our foundation caused us to settle in a way that was not healthy for us.

You know I love good news, so here it is. Once we become aware of how we are settling, all it takes to change is a little work. It’s not difficult at all. It’s making tiny mindset tweaks that go to work fixing our foundational issues. And once the issues get addressed, all of a sudden, we believe we deserve better.

That’s how it happened for me, and I know it can happen like that for you too.

Here are a few easy ways to help with settling:

1. Take some time to figure out what you want. Write down what kind of life you want on paper or a computer/phone. It does make a difference than just thinking about it. It helps our minds to see this is something important and worth pursuing.

 

2. Once you know the direction you want to go, then create a map of how to get there. Write down everything you need to do to achieve that change in your life. For example, if you want people to respect you, one road on your map is to become aware of the language you use toward yourself – what you say about yourself. We don’t even realize how we teach people how to treat us just by our actions and words. Pay attention to phrases like, “I’m such an idiot,” “Why can’t I do anything right?” or “Why does this keep happening to me?” They cheapen your value. We are all learning throughout life. Give yourself a break, and know you have the power to make your life great.

 

3. Believe you deserve it. This is a big one and took me years to get. The more you don’t believe, the harder you have to work to instill this idea in your mind. Affirm that you do deserve it. You are enough. You are worth it. Tell yourself things like that many, many times a day, over and over. I know it sounds like a task, but it’s not. It’s just thinking (or saying out loud) positive affirmations to change your mindset. Trust me, your subconscious mind needs repetition to accept the new belief.

 

I know it’s easier to go about living and not think about things like this. That’s okay. I’m here to tell you there’s another way to live, one where you can be happy. That’s my only motivation. I’ve been through a lot and took the time to work on myself to live a happy life, and I know it’s possible. It breaks my heart when people give up and think this is just how it is and settle for a mediocre life. If we invest in ourselves, the dividend is a good life.

Thank you for reading this, and I hope you have a wonderful day!

To Not Settling,

Francesca