When we feel anxious or begin to doubt ourselves, insecurity is at play. The question then becomes why. Why does insecurity affect us in so many ways? We usually don’t know it’s happening, but something feels off.

Insecurity has been with us since childhood. Unless you had a perfect family with perfect parents, you were exposed to some level of insecurity that stuck with you. As we mature, it comes out in different ways. One person might be an obnoxious jerk, hoping the wall he or she created keeps people from seeing who they are. What they believe at their core is not what they project. Another person might hide, afraid people would see flaws. That’s how I used to be. Insecurity kept me quiet, fearful of criticism and judgment, and always worried about what others thought of me.

We cannot possibly know what another person is thinking, right? So, it’s a waste of our precious energy to think for others. I’ve done it; I’m sure you have too. We need to stop it. Insecurity is rearing its head, making us question ourselves.

Insecurity can cause people not to take risks with anything. Like if a person cuts you off in the store, and you say nothing. Isn’t your time valuable too? I’m not saying to be mean, but politely let them know what they did was wrong.  Then you have to stand in line and wait longer to get to your turn. Isn’t that worth mentioning to someone who doesn’t respect the line code? Yes, there’s a line code. You don’t cut; if you see someone with one or two items, you let them go before you. That could backfire if they count out change to pay or write a check. It’s happened to me! However, I’ve never stopped doing it. I don’t let life’s little nuances bug me anymore.

Television, the Internet, and the media are other culprits that affect our insecurity.

I used to watch shows like 20/20 and Dateline. It never bothered me to watch true crime shows, but then as time passed, I was suddenly fearful that someone would break into my house or carjack me at a gas station at night. I don’t live in the city where more crimes occur, yet, I had these new insecurities I had never had before. I thought nothing of driving alone to Pittsburgh or Cape May, NJ. Now, I don’t know if I could do it. If I didn’t watch those shows or see the news, would I have this new insecurity? I don’t know. The media exposes us to many wrongdoings we wouldn’t otherwise think about.

So, it stands to reason that what we are exposed to creates ideas, phobias, and insecurities in our minds. If you went away on vacation to a place like a Caribbean Island, chances are the moment you get off the plane, you’d feel relaxed.

It doesn’t matter if the taxi cab isn’t legit, and you may end up in a ditch. You don’t even think about that or the fact that he has a bar in the front seat where he may or may not have been mixing a cocktail for himself before you got in—true story on St. Thomas. We were fine! He was a pip!

The point is that what we allow in our lives will dictate how we think and feel. Expose yourself to the news, negativity, or people who cause you to feel bad about yourself, and you will feel insecure. But the good news is that we can feel better just by thinking positively, putting good things in front of our eyes and ears (like watching a movie with a good message), or being around people who make you feel good.

Thank you for reading this. I hope it gave you some food for thought.

To Overcoming Anything,

Francesca