I rode an elevator with a father and his two little boys a few days ago. The father could’ve auditioned for the role of Grumpy, the Dwarf, and got the part. I asked if the boys were twins. He mumbled something about Irish twins I didn’t understand (but have since Googled it and learned it’s when children are born within a year of one another – and it’s an offensive phrase with a troubling background. I didn’t research any further.) One of the little guys, about three or four years old, stared up at me. I smiled, but the boy didn’t smile back. He just stared with a blank look on his face as if he’d never seen a smile before. If that were an adult doing that to me, I would’ve been uncomfortable, but I found it amusing with the child.

What is it about babies, kids, and furry friends that melts our hearts and makes us smile?

Well, the cuteness helps. But isn’t it because there’s no intimidation? They pose no threat to us. Think about it. You meet an adult for the first time in a social situation. Most likely, the wheels in the brain start working overtime, calculating, judging, and plotting what we’ll say or do. It’s inevitable. Why? Because we feel we need protection and awareness.  We don’t want to get hurt – in any way.

But our brains perceive babies, kids, and furry friends (that are friendly) as cute, adorable, and non-threatening. Those interactions raise the dopamine in our brains. We feel good cooing at a sweet baby, smiling at a staring toddler, or petting a furry friend. It feels good to us, and we want more of it. They don’t care about our appearance or how silly we sound.

Then why can’t we act like that around all adults? Why can’t we be ourselves? I’ve pondered this many times. I know adult interactions can be threatening, especially with those close to us who have hurt us before. We have to be on guard. There’s no fooling around there. But many of us transfer that protective nature onto everyone, even those who never did a thing to deserve it. And that’s when we’ve become jaded to the most basic human need, to feel connected.

I’m a friendly person; I’ll talk to anyone. I’ve met some people who avoid a simple hello and a smile. Yes, I’ve gotten the grumpy cat face more than once, and it only makes me smile more as I walk away. I genuinely feel sorry for someone who can’t seem to “turn that frown upside down” and thinks the world owes them for all their woes. Hey, I’ve got woes, too, just like the rest of us, and you don’t see me walking around with a puss on my face!

As adults, we have limited time for play and fun, so we have to pick and choose our relationships carefully to make the most of our lives. And we like to keep our circle of friends manageable with our available time. But is there some rule that it’s an invitation to friendship if we’re friendly? I won’t presume to know what makes people tick, but I’m curious why people won’t acknowledge someone standing beside them. And now, with cell phones, there is even less conversation and acknowledgment of the person next to you. Look around waiting rooms. Nearly everyone is on their phone.

I don’t want to engage in conversations everywhere I go, but there’s nothing wrong with a smile and a hello. When I was a student in college, the campuses had a lot of long sidewalks to get from one building to the next. I was amazed how many people kept their heads down and never looked up to smile or say hello. I saw this because I was looking at them, ready to smile. Don’t get me wrong, I am non-trusting of people I don’t know and very smart regarding personal safety, but I still have that sense of wonder and curiosity that babies, kids, and furry friends have, and I do want to say hello.

Does being friendly ever get me into trouble? Sure, it does, especially with people who are lonely or mentally challenged and need an ear to listen to them. So, on the opposite side, they see my friendly face and want to exploit it for their gain. I sometimes feel bad for needing to walk away, but I know now I don’t have to be at the mercy of others. But do babies, kids, and furry friends give you a puss when you say you need to get going? It depends on how well you know them. If it’s your child or furry friend, you might get a tear or whimper, but it’s usually no big deal if you don’t know them.

Babies, kids, and furry friends can bring out our playful side if we still have it in us. Seeing a baby attempting to walk or watching a cat trying to squeeze its body into a tiny box is adorable. They don’t care how silly they may appear and never give up until they accomplish their goals. And we don’t judge them. We applaud them! We’re saying, “Come on! You can do it!” Do we do that with older kids or adults? Not enough.

Did you ever notice how watching babies, kids, or furry friends doing cute or silly things makes us feel good? That reduces stress and calms us down. The pressure to think or worry is gone. It’s all good. We need more of that in our lives with everyone.

How do we get more of that?

 

1. First, let’s try to be aware of our thoughts and stay in the present moment. Then we can engage in what is happening around us, not just move through life like a ghost floating by. See the cuteness. Embrace the funny. Laugh a little bit more!

 

2. Take down the walls. Not everyone out there is going to hurt you. View each interaction with people case by case and use your intelligence to decipher what’s good for you.

 

3. Hold people accountable for their actions. Just as you would make a baby, a kid, or a furry friend aware that it’s not okay to pounce on you, make a mess, or treat you unkind, it’s okay to make adults accountable too.

 

That’s it. It’s easy. Thank you for reading. Do you have other suggestions? I’d love to read them.

To that feeling you get around babies, kids, and furry friends,

Francesca