Why do you think television shows like Sex and the City, Friends, Will and Grace, The Odd Couple, Cheers, and Seinfeld (to name a few popular ones) are so beloved? Sure, there’s eye candy (Carrie’s closet!) and lots of comedy, but there’s more to it.

These shows are about friendship. You hardly see or hear about their biological family members, but when you do, it’s usually exposing some dysfunction or pain and then poking fun at it. We get it. The shows make us feel good. The comedy gets us laughing, but the friendships get us feeling. Friendships are one of the essential parts of life. They sometimes supersede relationships with biological families.

Teenage friendships are part needing an outlet away from the family and part still a kid wanting to play and enjoy life. We aren’t mature enough to be trustworthy or loyal like older adults can be in relationships. No, teenage friendships are primarily based on fun (or should be, but shenanigans happen too, some that cause pain.)

As we get older, our friendships get more meaningful because we’re more selective, mature, and understand life better (we hope!). We don’t have time to waste hanging out at the pizza joint or wherever. We have busy lives with our families, jobs, etc., so choosing to spend time with a friend is a bigger deal than it was when we were younger.

Being in the same classes, living near each other in the neighborhood, or being on a sports team or group helped us easily make friends as kids. We were around other kids. Friendships were bound to happen. Even teenagers, young adults, and college-age adults have easier times making friends because of the opportunities to be around other people their age.

Making those friendships isn’t always easy when we reach adulthood. If you work with others who are like-minded, there’s a good chance of developing friendships, but with today’s work culture of working from home (myself included), it’s more challenging to get social with others (other than who you live with.)  Shows like Seinfeld and Friends remind us that being with friends is much more fun than going alone.

I have found it’s more challenging to have “big friends” (adult friends) that stay the course. Maybe it’s because we evolve and change, and those friends don’t. Or we change jobs and are not around that person so much anymore. Or maybe we have lived enough and don’t trust like we used to. We got hurt and thought everyone was going to be the same way. That’s not true, though.  For me, it’s been a challenge to find my tribe. I wasn’t always authentic and trusting of someone else like I am now. I think that prevented me from developing meaningful friendships.

I would love to have the adult friendships like the girls have in Sex and the City or Sweet Magnolias (Netflix series) that show women getting together in a group at a restaurant or home and sharing what’s happening in their lives over a salty snack and cocktail. But more importantly, the fictitious characters show the true meaning of friendship when they call upon one another in a crisis or are always there for each other. They’re never too busy to lend an ear or help with something; it goes both ways.  I know it’s fictional work, but I think having those types of friendships as adults is possible.

Being around people and talking lightens us, and we get out of our heads. It can reduce stress and anxiety to laugh with people. Why do you think going to bars is fun? We are around people having a good time. Social Media was created to help us connect and develop friendships, but it’s not the same as being face-to-face. It’s good to keep in touch and be entertained by our social media apps, but we need to look a person in the eye to make a real connection.

Cherish your friends, even the acquaintances we see once a week at the store. Give them a smile and good vibes. And when you’re down, it’s okay to share what’s happening. Then you’ll know who is a real friend or is only in it for fun.

Thank you for reading this. I hope you all have happy days ahead.

To the big friends, the ones that lift us when we sink a little,

Francesca