I had a blog post written, but something made me pivot and change it. I learned that a guy I knew had passed away. I didn’t know how, just that he died. And though I wasn’t close to him, it still affected me.  So this is what I chose to write about today.

Since I didn’t know the deceased very well, I could not write about him, only my interactions with him.

Years ago, I used to see the Strawberry Jam band with its original members. They performed tunes from The Grateful Dead, The Allman Brothers Band, Steely Dan, The Beatles, The Doors, and other great songs from the 60s and 70s. One of the guitar players at that time, John Shemo, played and sang many songs in the band, but when he performed “Ride On Josephine” by George Thorogood and the Destroyers, it felt like he was telling a story. It was a long song, and the dance floor was usually packed! The entire band (even with band member changes) was extraordinary. They had captured lightning in a bottle.

To use a fashion analogy, that guy, John Shemo, one of a five-piece band, was like the sparkly accessory that makes an outfit pop. He helped make the band shine. I send out prayers to his family, friends, bandmates, colleagues, and music supporters who have suffered such a significant loss. From what I knew of him, he was a kind, good soul with a lot of talent. I could only imagine the incredible pain those close to him must feel from this tragedy.

How do you deal with loss?

I’m not sure. I’ve lost people close to me. It seems the more loss we experience, the more difficult it gets. Each loss chips away at our hearts, and it seems more complicated to swing back to normal because there is no going back to how things used to be. We need to find ways to deal with life after the loss.

As I get older and experience loss, I appreciate those around me even more, knowing we are only on this earth for a finite amount of time. But is that enough to help heal the painful wounds of losing someone we love? Sure, I could write, focus on the living and be grateful for those still here, but we all grieve differently; there is no one size fits all way to heal a broken heart or fill the painful gap left in us when someone we care about passes.  Grieving is personal. It takes time to overcome the shock of them never returning or rationalizing we’re only human and don’t live forever.

A loss brings emotions, thoughts, and beliefs that we must work through. I think about how delicate life is and not wasting time doing something that’s not living to our fullest. And I believe those who have passed want that for us, too.

What we need is time to process, reflect and feel the loss. Each one of us has to mourn in our way. We can tell someone, “It’ll be okay. It just takes time.” But those words might fall on deaf ears when someone is mourning. Just know your sympathy is always appreciated.

When we console someone who lost their dearly departed, it’s kind to say, “If you need anything, let me know.” And that’s very nice and shows our sincerity. During that time, people are most likely existing on fumes, trying to process what is happening without falling to pieces. Words go in and out like water through a filter. I know we’re all busy with our lives, but what if after several months, we reach out, offer something kind, an ear, a gentle reminder that they’re not alone, and we’re still here and care a lot about them? It might make the difference you had no idea was possible. We all get together to say goodbye; what if we got together to say hello once in a while?

Hey, I’m no expert on loss and grieving, just offering my two cents after thinking about this significant loss of John Shemo, and it’s a hard hit to people in this area. As a musician, John Shemo was out there; he shared his gifts and talents, made people smile, helped them forget their stressful days, and brightened up the light around us. And since I didn’t know him that well, I could only surmise he was the light with his family and friends, too. He seemed like that kind of guy.

Take a moment, if you can, and listen to him perform “Peace Frog” by The Doors with Strawberry Jam on July 26, 1996, at the Lake Silkworth Bazaar. Let me know if he brightened your day after listening as he did to me. 🙂

I pray for strength and support for all those affected by this painful loss of John Shemo. I know he’s in Heaven, entertaining the other beautiful souls we’ve lost.

Thank you so very much for reading.

To good vibes of gentle healing,

Francesca