Our bodies, from the inside, remove toxins constantly through the liver, kidneys, and a little through sweating.  It does it automatically, we don’t have to think about it. What a wondrous creation we are!  So, does the mind remove toxic thoughts also? Well, it’s not automatic like how our internal organs function, and most of the time, it doesn’t happen without our intervention.  But, I’m here to help you get rid of the old and bring on a new, better life!

I grew up in a dysfunctional, toxic, abusive family. My parents learned their behavior and mindset from their parents, and down the line it went to their children. I knew from a young age that something was not right in the family, and in my life. Having five brothers and sisters who were also affected by the dysfunction, family life was stressful, full of drama, and a lot of pain.  At age 14, I asked my father to take me to “see” someone to talk to. How I knew about counseling or therapy at that age is beyond my memory, but I knew I had to get help outside the family. At that same age, I went to see our Catholic priest who spoke about being helpful and kind at Sunday mass, but I was screamed at for going to the back door of the rectory (a Catholic priest home). I ran home in tears, feeling ashamed for going there.

My father took me to see someone at the Bridge Youth Services.  I told the counselor/advocate why I was there and she suggested that she and another co-worker should go to my home and speak to the entire family since it was clearly a family situation.  Two counselors came to our house and asked a few questions to me and my siblings, but they were thrown out by my mother who yelled at them to leave.  Needless to say, our family never got any more therapy, and it would be a few more years before I got any help.

I felt less than, inadequate, shameful, trapped, and sad.  When I began to “peel the onion” layers of my mind, using therapy, self-help books, and researching, to get to the core of what was making me feel such negative emotions,  I was able to remove the toxic, old messaging, but it took a very long time. I believe the reason it took so long for me is living so close to my family and family home, where the dysfunction continues to flourish.

Until we remove the old toxins from our brains, we can’t move forward and live our lives the way we were meant to with happiness and peace of mind.

I’m sharing this personal information so that others realize I know what I am talking about because I’ve “walked the walk,” and at this point in my life, I consider myself an expert at changing your life, overcoming a painful past, and removing the toxic messaging from your brain to move on to a happy life.  I’m living proof of that. I didn’t use escapes such as alcohol or drugs to deal with problems; instead, I faced my issues head-on. I am proud to write I’m a survivor of a painful life.

So, how does one go about getting rid of the old, toxic messaging for good?

There are a few essential things needed: time, patience, a thirst for knowledge, an open mind, and a little discipline.

Here are three tips to get started:

1. Don’t be afraid to get help. There are plenty of therapists, social workers, and counselors out there, and you may find the first or second one isn’t a good fit. That’s okay. You can move on until you find someone you feel comfortable with and that you can trust. Personally, I don’t recommend seeing a psychiatrist because he or she may (and I stress the word “may”) want to prescribe medication ahead of cognitive therapy, and being medicated may not be necessary for some people. I know there are people who genuinely need to be on medication, so please do not misunderstand what I am writing.  I never took any medication, and I only saw social workers, licensed therapists, and counselor advocates.  I believe professionals in the field of mental health have an unbiased and objective perspective rather than relying solely on friends or family for advice.  And please do not allow a financial situation to stop you. There are agencies that do not charge anything. Call your local helpline, or do a Google search for “free counseling services.”

2. Read books on the subject of self-help and personal development. Here are a few books that have been instrumental in my healing.  Take the time to do the exercises, it does make a difference.

1. Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie
2. Beyond Codependency: And Getting Better All the Time by Melody Beattie
3. You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay

3. Write in a journal. I have found this extremely helpful when trying to sort out thoughts and emotions. There is something magical about writing your thoughts down that get it out of your head, and it is sometimes easier and more therapeutic than speaking them.  It doesn’t have to be fancy. Walmart has spiral-bound notebooks for .25!   If you don’t feel comfortable writing down your thoughts in a notebook, there is an online, password-protected journal, Penzu.  

Journaling benefits. 

My hope for writing this is to offer my story and help those looking to heal their lives. First, we need to remove all the toxic gunk filling our minds that stops us from living a happy life.